Introduction：
This assignment required us to select a topic that we are familiar with, do some background research beforehand, and then start writing an opinion piece. We were also provided with some useful websites, like Conversation during our tutorial class. My topic was about the phenomenon of excessive apology in our daily life. The reason I wanted to explore this topic is that I found that my family members and I have been in the habit of saying sorry for years and I am interested in discussing the reasons behind this problem and what we should do to deal with it.
Sorry, not sorry
Have you ever been knocked down by some reckless guy in the street and you said sorry?
Have you ever refused someone that you don’t want to go out with and you said sorry?
Have you ever come across a heavy rain when you hang out with friends and you said sorry?
Have you ever thought the question: ‘Why do you say sorry a lot?
I googled the question online and found a discussion forum in Quora.
There are 16 answers altogether. According to respondents, one woman said that she apologizes a lot because she doesn’t want to hurt others and she thinks that an apology can help others feel better even if it’s not her fault. And another responded that she used to apologize a lot because she wanted to get approval from others. A Japanese girl thinks that she may say sorry more than American people. To apologize is a special way for the Japanese to show respect and understanding toward others especially when some people are in bad situations. It seems to me that most of them say sorry not because they did something wrong but because of other underlying cultural factors.
The bad effects of over-apologizing
The sad thing is that many people have already realized that they are over-apologizing, but they have not been aware of the resulting bad effects, especially among the families with children. It seems that my mom has kept saying sorry to others all the time and has taught us to say sorry to be polite. This resulted in my brother and I always feeling inferior compared to fellow peers. My brother even attempted suicide once in his life because of lack of confidence. I think his constant apologies may have led to his low self-esteem.
Normally, parents are the role models of their kids. Imagine if the models always apologize for things that are not their faults, what would the kids think? Wouldn’t they lose confidence?
In addition, too many apologies may lead to doubt and distrust especially in the workplace because your boss and colleagues may be misguided into thinking that you are always being incompetent. Even yourself would think you are wrong since you are not quite sure what you did or say is right, you just tend to apologize quickly. It seems that you are saying that you are not good enough to handle the job. In this way, how would your boss trust you with tasks?
What’s worse, over-apologizing also endangers a relationship. Under normal circumstances, an apology can help to alleviate sadness and reduce the defensiveness when you hurt someone you love. And it will give you chance to explain and fix things. But over-apologizing is another story. Take me as an example, I used to say sorry a lot, and my spouse took it as a symbol of ‘overly politeness’ and he thought we were not very close to each other and that’s also the reason he wanted to say goodbye to me. In other cases, those who apologize a lot sometimes give their partner a false image that it’s guilty to have their own needs or continue to be angry in a conflict because the partner already said an apology.
What do you do before saying ‘sorry’?
First, figure out whether it is actually your fault. Before apologizing, pause for 3 seconds and ask yourself, ‘Did I do something wrong here? Is it my fault?’ If the answer is yes, apologize once sincerely and then try to fix it. For example, you are late for a meeting, and everyone is waiting for you. Say ‘sorry’ for a single time and keep in mind that you should be punctual in the future and contribute as much as you can during the meeting. Repetitively chanting sorry again and again can’t help. But if the answer is no, try to calm down and control your language. You can transform the unnecessary apologies with different expressions. You can say ‘excuse me’ instead of ‘sorry’ when you want to get off the tram through the crowds. You can express your consolation to a friend by ‘I understand your loss, you have my back-up’ instead of ‘I am sorry to hear that’. You can show your gratitude to those who help you by saying ‘thank you. I appreciate that!’ instead of ‘sorry for the troubles I’ve made’.
All in all, we should not shirk our responsibilities if we did something wrong, but we should also avoid unnecessary apologies.
Reflection:
Writing an opinion piece is difficult for me because I have never been a person with a strong point of view. In order to write a good article, I read many articles from Conversation. From these articles, I found that there are so many differences between academic writing and opinion pieces. Unlike academic writing, we can be subjective and add our own anecdotes to opinion pieces to strike a chord. I also learnt that an attention-grabbing opening sentence can encourage readers to read further. It is a display-window for the best things. Most importantly, our readers don’t always have the expertise. Therefore, I revised my original writing to make it easier to understand by replacing some terminologies. Through this assignment, I developed my critical thinking abilities and writing skills. I believe they are very helpful to my future study and life.
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